One day, many years from now, when Britain's landscape has been ravaged by global warming, unemployment has hit six million and Premiere Boris Johson has removed us from the United Nations following an embarrassing joke about Africa's "victim mentality", there might, just might, come a time when Harry Redknapp doesn't moan before a game of football.
An event as unlikely as any I have described, Redknapp, fresh from saving a club from the Oblivion of Relegation™ for the 19th successive season, and in buoyant mood after beating jesus into second place in the 2075 Biggest Saviour competition, will sit in front of a press conference and resist the temptation to bemoan his lack of squad depth/talented players/committed players/the mistakes of his predecessors/his wife's finishing boots (delete where applicable).
Alas that glorious day remains a distant pipe dream. Harry's current bugbear ahead of the first leg of our Uefa Cup tie against Shakhtar Donetsk this evening is the format of
"I would just like to see a home-and-away knockout," Redknapp said. I'd just like to see you prepare for a match without moaning or making an excuse, but we don't get everything we want do we 'Arry?
Houdini continued: "That would allow the English clubs to have a proper go at it. Everyone rests players in the competition. You have so many games to get to the final it's unbelievable. It's made it's the last 32.
"The Uefa Cup is not the most important of our competitions. The game at
It's not the first time Redknapp has made public his dislike for the Uefa Cup and of course it is sensible that our focus should be, primarily, on staying in the Premier League. But at least pretend to give a s***.
Yesterday Aston Villa rested one first team player - Brad Friedel - despite moving into one of the most important run of games in their recent history. OK, they aren't in danger of being relegated but Champions League qualification is just as important to them as survival is to us.
Yet the way Redknapp bleats on you would have been forgiven for thinking we are the only team in English football with a busy schedule.
"It's not an ideal period for us. We're here now and we get back at 5am on Friday morning, it's
It's called a fixture list Harry. While we're on the subject, who is this omnipotent 'they' you keep banging on about? The sophisticated machine which determines who plays who and when, months before the season starts?
The only blame to be levelled at our current predicament is at those within the club itself - namely the players, the chairman and the coaching staff (past and present), and they will be the guilty parties if we go down.
That list will include Carlo Cudicini, Jonathan Woodgate, Aaron Lennon, Wilson Palacios and Luka Modric, big names who will be missing from the team that faces Shakhtar this evening.
That the maligned Jermaine Jenas is expected to captain the side probably sums up Redknapp's hopes and expectations for the tie, which represents a chance for fringe players such as Chris Gunter, Giovanni Dos Santos and Fraizer Campbell to shine, with the latter expected to usurp Darren Bent in the starting line-up. It wouldn't be surprising if that particular omission had something to do with Bent's recent "play-me-or-lose-me" outburst.
With Redknapp seemingly determined to suck dry even the most diehard fan's interest in the competition, those looking for a few grains of consolation may look toward 17-year-old pair Dean Parrett and John Bostock, who some are tipping will play a large role in this evenings proceedings. It does, however, remain seriously unlikely either player will make the starting line-up, especially given Parrett has yet to play for the club.
Yes Redknapp faces six matches in 17 days but the scale of changes is still likely to shock. However, if Harry feels his side could do without being in
He believes that a piece of unsporting behaviour by Barcelona's 18-year-old forward Bojan Krkic cost his side a place in the knock-out round of the Champions League. Shakhtar had won their opening Group C tie away to FC Basel and they led Barcelona 1-0 at home with three minutes left when Dani Alves chose to pass to Bojan instead of passing the ball back to the home side after a Donetsk player had gone down injured.
Lucescu blamed the Spaniard's tender years and inexperience for the "mistake", and given the side his opposite number will field tonight, he may well be left cursing the unpredictability of youth once again.