What a harmonious, entertaining and injury-free seaon, eh Spurs fans? Full of glorious success on all fronts, wasn't it? Bet you were all absolutely gutted when it was put on hold!
The world's most obvious attempt at sarcasm aside on my part, Tottenham are in the proverbial dog muck at the moment, and they sacked the guy who was good at promoting internal solutions for another guy who usually needs a modest budget of about £250m to turn a club around.
In truth, on this occasion you can definitely sympathise with José Mourinho, with the cracks starting to show in a Spurs defence which has aged like an open bottle of milk since the halcyon days under Mauricio Pochettino.
Here's how a rejuvenated Spurs team might look after the next transfer window.
GK - André Onana
Onana will be familiar to most Spurs supporters from a certain Ajax tie (remember when Spurs were actually good?) where he made several smart saves and took some impressivesly succesful risks with his distribution.
Though Hugo Lloris' flaws are mostly outweighed by his moments of genius, Spurs have to look at Onana as a long-term successor for a 33-year old starting to show his age.
The fella is a little bit in demand at the moment, and given Spurs are currently the club where fun goes to die, they'd have to do some persuading to convince him to pass up Chelsea and Barcelona.
RB - Max Aarons
There was some buzz from Spurs fans when Ryan Sessegnon recently played Aarons in the Premier League's FIFA tournament, as if Sessegnon could broker a move to north London over a few R1+circle finesse goals.
There's a reason for all this excitement, however; at just 20 years old in a defensively... unsound side, Aarons has shrugged off any pressure, excelling at both ends of the pitch and looking as if he could provide competition for Serge Aurier in a problematic position for Spurs.
(And he beat Sessegnon at FIFA.)
CB - Ruben Dias
What's the point of having the greatest Portuguese manager in history if you don't have first dibs on some of A Seleção's finest?
It's pretty simple, Spurs need a dominant centre-back with Davinson Sanchez still adapting to English football and Jan Vertonghen currently slower then a Zoom call with two bars of signal, and the 6'2 Dias, who has been earning rave reviews for Benfica and Portugal, should be Mourinho's man
CB - Toby Alderweireld
Since we're adding some pretty fresh new faces to what was once an experienced back four, we might as well stick in a calm head to do the babysitting once things go wrong.
It has been everything but a vintage campaign for the Belgian, but he has been so crucial to Spurs since signing from Atlético Madrid that it makes sense to give him the benefit of the doubt for an off year where he was facing much contractual uncertainty.
In time, we'll be seeing this defensive wizard pinging outrageous diagonals to Dele like nothing ever happened.
LB - Ryan Sessegnon
If the 2019/20 season of Aarons' FIFA partner-in-crime was a Career Mode save, you'd probably delete it.
After a stunning performance at the Allianz Arena, no less, Sessegnon has struggled to reproduce his instinctive movement around the box, or trouble his fellow full-backs in the Premier League, and is somehow behind 'gentle' Ben Davies in the left-back stakes.
Thankfully, they would never do such a thing as totally condemn a player based on half a season over at Tottenham Hotspur (lol), and one of English football's most precocious talents is surely going to come good at left-back with time.
CM - Tanguy Ndombele
Here he is - the living proof that Spurs absolutely would totally condemn a player after half a season, and what a weird season it's been for the Frenchman.
At the best of times, he has looked absolutely unplayable, a scintillating combination of Moussa Dembélé and Kevin de Bruyne's best qualities, and there can be no doubt that if he sorts out his fitness Spurs have a future Ballon d'Or contender on their hands.
There are not many players who Mourinho would break the law to chill in the park with... but this guy is different.
CM - Giovani Lo Celso
Watching Spurs this season has largely involved wanting to hurl your TV out of the window like an Olympic discus-thrower.
But when Lo Celso appears on the ball, everything is forgiven, with the former Betis man providing a soothing, silky influence in midfield that Spurs have lacked for so long.
Him and Ndombele in midfield together - it's only fit to be broadcast after 9pm.
RW - Emiliano Buendía
Given his output has been criticised by the mild-mannered Daniel Farke, imagining this wizard under Mourinho is probably wishful thinking.
And yet Buendía's mixture of dribbling, creativity and defensive acumen is exactly what Spurs have been crying out for in wide positions - signing him to play on the right with his teammate Aarons would allow Lo Celso to play deeper, Steven Bergwijn to have a competitor, and Lucas Moura to leave - perfect!
CAM - Dele Alli
A player with a skillset as particular as Dele's will always have fluctuations in form, and he needs a functioning team around him to truly shine.
With the team currently the opposite of functioning, it's been a difficult year, but he's shown enough class to indicate that Spurs fans need to be patient with him.
And if you can't love a guy who can flick it over a defender's head to score from outside the box, you'll never love anyone!
LW: Son Heung-min
The real MVP, contrary to what certain subscription-based news websites might tell you.
If Lo Celso has added some class to proceedings, Son's amazing form in front of goal this year has ensured that there were any proceedings to begin with, and his injury against Aston Villa effectively wrapped up Spurs' season.
A two-footed winger who loves big games and can score from just about anywhere comes once in a lifetime for Spurs - they have to hold onto him.
ST - Harry Kane
I was tempted to put Erling Braut Håland here, but that wouldn't be in the spirit of things (or realistic), would it?
His ankles might be made of porridge, and he's surely lost a yard, but at the end of the day he's still Harry Kane, and if you could guarantee him coming back healthy, you'd take him every, single, time.
Source : 90min
